Is comparing yourself to others your “thing”? When you fall into the rabbit hole of measuring yourself against others achievements, you’re never going to win. In this blog, we’ll look at how comparing yourself to others could be blighting your own progress without you even realising it and how you can build your own road to success, instead.
When I first started out in business, I made a big mistake. I fell victim to that killer of any sense of achievement. I became a pawn in the age-old game of comparison. The thing is, I didn’t even realise I was doing it. I was working on establishing my business and striving to attract enough clients to really get my business off the ground…and then I started. Started comparing myself with others. Except, this was never an even playing field.
‘Comparisonitis’ is a thing, right?
My chosen targets had all been in business far longer than me and were already established. How could I possibly compare? In addition, I was attracted to the people who had no problem in blowing their own promotional trumpet – they would happily post on social media about the number of clients they had and how busy they were, triggering me on two different levels – one, because I hadn’t yet managed to attract my ideal client and secondly, because I found it all acutely cringey to have to do the whole “look at me” thing on Facebook. After all, that meant I had to be visible – Eurgh!
How do you measure up?
Let’s firstly look at the ways in which you might be comparing yourself to others without even realising it.
- Social media – The perfect hatching ground for some comparisonitis! How often have you scrolled through your feed and seen something that makes you feel bad about yourself? Perhaps it makes you feel that you’re missing out, that your life is somehow lacking. But consider whether this is a true image of that person’s entire life or just the edited version that they want you to see?
- Pandering to others expectations. It’s easy to get swept along with others success and believe that your goals need to align with that other persons or with other expectations of us. But what if your idea of success is different to theirs? What then?
- Taking a one-sided view. If you compare someone else’s strengths to your weaknesses, you’ll always come off the worst. That’s bound to lead to a drop in self-confidence and self-esteem.
“Stay in your lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy.” Brene Brown
Break the comparison habit
So, how can you break the habit of comparing yourself to others?
- Awareness – Be aware of the triggers for your own comparisons and avoid them as far as possible. Social media, as we have seen, is a biggie. Approach your social media use with intent. Instead of scrolling aimlessly through your feed, be focused on why you are there and what you want to achieve – and leave once that’s done!
- Be clear on your values. By understanding your values, you’ll be able to define what your version of “success” looks like. Keep reminding yourself that others are walking a different path to you with different measures and different milestones. Stay in your own lane and focus on your own achievements, even if they feel small in comparison.
- Be Ok with Imperfection – No one is perfect, and it is the imperfect you that gives you your inimitable character and facilitates your connection with those around you; your tribe. We are none of us perfect, so learn to be OK with that and celebrate those imperfections.
- Count Your Blessings – Every day, write down a list of 5 things that you are happy for. This will help you to focus on your “haves”, rather than your “have nots”.
How to stop comparing yourself to others – Summary
Now, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes comparing yourself to others can be a good thing. It can give you the blueprint and the impetus to bring about change. The danger, however, comes when we lose perspective and forget the differences between us and the person with whom we are comparing ourselves. Stay true to yourself and remember that your authenticity, your value, and your essence are the things that make you, you and they aren’t found in perfection or anyone else.
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